#DearMe

Dear me, 

Ah Jessica. You were such a strange child growing up. You hated being out of your comfort zone so much that you didn’t dare try anything out of the ordinary. You always went with what your friends decided to do. When you had an idea of your own and decided to share it, you were always so scared of how people would judge you and your ideas. You were guarded and safe. You always shared everything you had because you felt like you had an obligation to. 

You should of tried harder and thought about your future a bit more. You should of known that all your innocent oblivious days playing outside wouldn’t it last forever. You tried hard in your grades, but you never exceled your own expectations for yourself. While your friends were skipping grades, winning awards, and attending competitions, you were in a corner of the library reading books. Why were you so afraid to try? You could of had so many experiences, but your chances were all ruined by your low self esteem. 

You should of embraced change. Change, although scary, can be a positive thing. Instead of being afraid, why didn’t you just rise to the challenge? It wasn’t even that hard when you were seven or eight. 

You should of been less careful. You should of been more carefree and filtered your words less. You should of been self confident and spontaneous and fun. You were shy and timid in your words and actions. You worried too much about absolutely ridiculous and trivial things.

You should of tried harder to do something to solve the problem. You gave up too quickly. Maybe all those fights could of been avoided if you had just stepped in earlier. Maybe if you had interfered more there would of been less conflict. Instead, you hid in your room and cried yourself to sleep. That didn’t accomplish anything whatsoever. 

You should of had lower expectations for the world. You were a dreamer with no direction. You would stare out the window at midnight and wish on everything: dandelions, shiny pebbles, lucky pennies, and wishing wells. You were such a complete hopeless romantic. You crossed your fingers and toes for the day that you would be swept off your feet.

Regardless, you have made me who I am today. That could be considered negative or positive. You gave me my fear, humility, trust, love, and hope. Most importantly, you gave me my future along with endless possibilities. And it is for this that I thank you. 

Keep wishing, 

Jessica. 

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